Journey of the 4 letter word...

I started the pursuit of an MBA around March of 2014, foolishly thinking that it would be a fairly straight forward and linear path. Well... I was wrong. It has been a very arduous process that has led to many sleepless nights of self doubting and resentment. And all of these emotions revolve around 4 letters....

GMAT.... the Graduate Management Admission Test

I took my first GMAT in June after limited and scattered studying thinking that I can rely on my previous high school math and a solid foundation in plain ol' English. Well... I was sorely mistaken. I was barely able to finish the Quant Section and Verbal was a nightmare as well. At this stage, I have bought all the Manhattan books and the self study program which dusted off those spiderwebs on my brain. Well, I bombed it.

Since the beginning of September, I began an online Veritas Class which ends in two weeks. I do not feel like I've made that much of a progress. Of course, I am scared to death of taking another practice GMAT test in fear of not doing well. I've literally found every single excuse in the book to avoid taking my practice test today.

I am just so frustrated... this is definitely a test to my patience, humility, and diligence. I feel like I can do it, then I will... but I guess the question is how much am I sacrificing? I am taking Company Command in November. When am I going to schedule to take my second try? and how much should I put into it? and how do I balance my work, social life, and manage to do well on this gosh forsaken test? ugh... I am just venting now.... I know that if I am determined then I can accomplish anything. Look at how much I've accomplished already!!!

Ok... back to taking this damn test. wish me luck! If anyone else who is preparing for this test and feel the way I do, please dont feel like you are the only one. Because I am totally with you!!!

泡沫之夏 Summer's Desire

Just finished this tv series and I absolutely love this song! 

The Seven Differences Between Winners And Losers

Over the course of my life, I’ve read hundreds of books about how to better your life and I’ve been fortunate enough to interview and converse with an enormous number of extremely successful people.

What I’ve learned is that for most people, success is no accident. Winners are winners for a reason just as losers are losers for a reason. Here’s some of what I’ve learned.

1) Winners do things losers won’t do.

Oftentimes, it’s the people who go to almost unthinkable lengths who manage to make it to the top. Thomas Edison reportedly tried more than 1000 different substances as filaments before he found the right one for the light bulb. Henry Morton Stanley, who was one of the greatest explorers in human history, nearly died time and time again going on expeditions across Africa that took years under some of the most dangerous and miserable conditions imaginable. Ross Perot and his wife both worked and then they lived off his salary while they saved every cent of her salary to fund his new business. These are people who went to extraordinary lengths to reach the top and they did it instead of just complaining that “life is hard” and giving up.

Henry Morton Stanley spent his afternoons doing this for years at a time

Next: EPIC FAIL!!!

2) Winners fail more often than losers.

The loser tastes defeat and quits. The winner gets knocked down and keeps on getting back up.

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” — Michael Jordan

Winners have “been there, done that, and got the t-shirt” — so when they’re in that same situation again, they’ve learned from hard experience what to do and what not to do. Losers, on the other hand, fail, decide it’s too hard, and quit before they’ve ever really gotten started.

Failed over and over again

3) Winners are optimistic while losers are pessimistic.

Both optimists and pessimists tend to think their view of the world is more “realistic.” That’s because whether you’re optimistic or pessimistic, you’re probably right. That makes sense if you think about it. If you expect to fail and have a setback, then it’s all too easy to say, “I knew it wouldn’t work,” and give up. On the other hand, if you expect to succeed and things go badly, then you’re much more likely to just shrug it off and keep going forward. As Richard Bach has said, “Sooner or later, those who win are those who think they can.”

The train was right!

Next: If you don’t aim for the target you can’t hit it.

4) Winners know what they’re trying to do while losers go with the flow.

This one is a little trickier than the other items on the list because after all, not every successful person has mapped out his future. Moreover, there are plenty of successful people who ended up taking their first steps toward success and prosperity without realizing the path that they were on.

That being said, you don’t just show up one day and become a CEO, astronaut, or gold medalist. As a general rule, it takes a lot of effort, planning, and grunt work to be exceptional at ANYTHING. Even if you just want to be a great father or the best friend you can be to another human being, it helps a lot to know that’s what you’re trying to do. Since it’s so rare that anyone turns out to be “accidentally” great at anything over the long haul, it’s very important to figure out what you’re trying to do and what you want to accomplish.

This!

5) Winners take responsibility for their own lives while losers point the finger elsewhere.

It’s not society’s job, Wall Street’s job, or the government’s job to take care of you. That’s YOUR JOB. Winners take responsibility for what happens to them, their own lives, and their future. That gives them a sense of control over their own destiny. It also puts the onus for change on the shoulders of the only person who has any sort of realistic chance to make a difference: YOU! On the other hand, losers evade responsibility and point the finger elsewhere when they fail — which is a huge mistake because it cedes control of their own life to other parties. If you’re waiting for “society” or the “government” to show up, fix all your problems, and make you into a success, you’re going to be in for a long, long wait.

Wrong answer, crappy old computer!

Next: Winners don’t do 40 hour work weeks….

6) Winners work harder than losers.

Talent Is Overrated: What Really Separates World-Class Performers from Everybody Else is an outstanding book. Its central theme is this: What people often think of as natural talent is really the result of a freakish amount of“deliberate practice.” Put in 10,000 hours of focused practice and you, too, can appear to have an extraordinary amount of “talent.” There’s a lot to this way of thinking. Although hard work alone isn’t sufficient to make you into a winner, it’s a prerequisite for being a winner. That’s why successful people are almost inevitably busy people. Long story short: You’re never going to become a champion at anything working 40 hours a week and then spending the rest of the week kicking back in the La-Z-Boy watching TV.

Has a yard overrun with squirrels.

Next: The Ten Sacred Rules of Success.

7) Winners ask. Losers wait to be asked.

As Robert Ringer wrote in his book Action!: Nothing Happens Until Something Moves, asking for what you want is one of the biggest keys to achieving your goals.

“…Perhaps only 45% of success is showing up, while another 45% of success is asking. Asking is the simplest, most efficient, and potentially most rewarding action a person can take. I’ve become such a believer in the power of asking that I am compelled to share with you my Ten Sacred Rules of Success:

Rule No. 1: Ask
Rule No. 2: Ask again.
Rule No. 3: Ask again.
Rule No. 4: Ask again.
Rule No. 5: Ask again.
Rule No. 6: Ask again.
Rule No. 7: Ask again.
Rule No. 8: Ask again.
Rule No. 9: Ask again.
Rule No. 10: Ask again.”

Everybody loves the idea of having someone show up, recognize his obvious merit, and then hand him success on a silver platter. Yet usually, that’s not how it happens. If you want good things in your life, you need to have the merit, be the one who shows up, and be the one who asks for it. More often than not, you’ll hear a “no,” but over time the “yesses” will accumulate and make a big difference in your life.

It's even in the Bible.

I Can Only Imagine

So... whenever I decide to feel sorry for myself in any manner, i watch this video, after a couple of teardrops, I then re-analyze my life on what I've accomplished and begin to compare my obstacles to individuals like the Hoyt Family. I then realize how incredibly fortunate to lived the life I've had. My crucibles become so insignificant in comparison.

As more and more of my classmates and the younger classes are getting injured and killed in Iraq and Afghanistan, I begin to have these existential and abstract thoughts. The emotion of fear and anxiety overwhelms me physically and emotionally. I know that I need to leave my faith for the big guy upstairs, but find myself struggling to do so. Why do we exist? What if the earth was destroyed tomorrow? What does this all mean?

My DCO sent me an article published in the Harvard Business Review and asked me to read it because he said it reminded him of me. The author of the article, a graduate of the HBS program, very intelligent and successful, drew analysis to why individuals are happy or unhappy. He pointed out many of his classmates who achieved much success in life, most ended up unhappy, divorced, in jail or committed suicide. Now, why do these successful individuals remain discontent or betray themselves ethically and morally?

Why are so many people in the world so angry and bitter?

I dont know... but all I know is that I refuse to live my life like that. I want to love! I want to laugh! I want to travel! I want to be loved! I want to share my happiness! I want to surround myself with positivity! I want to share my positivity! :)

Unsalted!

Unsalted is level 10 of the Crossfit Oahu Challenge by completely eliminating salt, nuts and everything else you see on the levels listed in the picture. I started this challenge the 15 October at level 9 which means that I am not eating any refined or added sugar, grains, gluten, soy, beans, lentils, dairy, starches, and alcohol. Additionally, im only having two servings of fruit daily. which is not too bad. the most difficult part of this diet is not being able to add sugar and cream in my coffee. otherwise, its actually pretty manageable. I do miss having rice and noodles. and Oh god! Bread!!! starches are my vice. this challenge will be a 30 day challenge. I guess we'll see how I feel at the end. So far, I've cheated a little here and there, but most of my meals have been just veggies and proteins which I've always preferred eating anyways.  So far this week my weight has fluctuated 1-4 lbs. Yesterday marked the one week period. Between pre-deployment training, relocation worries, and grad school, cutting out sugar is hard. 

I guess we will see how this primal diet goes! :) 

Thou searcher of human hearts...

Sunday was the first time I have been to Church since the NTC rotation in February. It's not that I dont want to go to church, rather I simply could not find a suitable one to attend. Ever since I've been in Hawaii, I've gone to the Navigators on Post as my religious support and connection. And once individuals like Molly and Christel began to reveal their ugly side, I just could not find myself to be associated with pharisees like these girls. To think i am going to deploy into a combat zone with these people. *sigh*  The reason why I use pharisees for these two or people who behave that manner, its because individuals like them are purely  "concerned with keeping with the commands, not concerned with the condition of our hearts... " essentially, what are our motives are... some people are so engrossed with memorizing verses and blindly following "rules" set by the Bible, they forget to commit to their own analysis of what the Bible says. Gods desire is always to build into us true godly characters (Matthew 5:31).

Don't get me wrong, I think knowing the Lord's words and stories are an important aspect of the personal and religious connection with God. However, it must be completed inconjuction with personal dissection and analysis of what the message is. Think about some of the stories in the Bible, can they still be applicable in our present day? The Ervah means indecency or uncleanness in Hebrew, it was interpreted by both the school of hilel and Shammai in Deut. 24:1. One group believed Ervah was just simply appearing dirty to your husband, and you can get divorced, while the other group believes that it was only sexual wrongdoings were the only way a man can divorce a woman. I mean, look at the drastic disparities.

The famous phrase that gets misinterpreted over and over is of course Exodus 21: 24-25. Eye for an eye.

think about it.... 

below is just the rest of my notes from church. too long to dissect. Maybe I shall revisit this at a later time. 

NOTES: 

Judicial guidelines for mosaic law- the limits of punishment that judges were allowed. Considering the time, it makes sense! Keep people from vengeance.


In Matthew 19:4, it  intends for men and women to be bound together in flesh once they leave his/her parents.

Gods heart is always for restoration and reconciliation. He permits you to get a divorce not command you.

(sexual immorality)

Marriage is sacred. It's adultery otherwise.

Matthew 5:37 - Let your yes be yes
Let your credibility speak for itself. Get known for telling the truth.

Romans 12:19 vengeance is mine. I will repay , said the lord. Leave room for the wrath of god.

1 Peter 2:21-23
Entrusting Him to judge righteously.

Go the extra mile when someone insults you.

Love those that love you and love your enemies. Forgive.

Papers papers everywhere!

 

Yep, you guessed it! I am writing my paper once again!!! This is supposed to be a 5 page paper on global integration. This is my essay prompt:  Based on class discussions and your assessment of the readings to date, how do aspects of international system (regimes, institutions, states, regions, and transnational issues) impede or enable global integration.  Really struggling with paper- which is already 4 days late. NOT GOOD! I try to prioritize but I just cant say No to people. I mean yesterday, I had dinner with the Taiwanese Delegation because my old boss, COL Maskell asked me to help translate. I mean how do i turn down my old boss whom I have the utmost respect for? And especially for something that I can easily do. And he just thinks so highly of me as well, I dont want to let him down! He really is an amazing leader, I hope he makes General. Just a very down to earth individual who cares about the Army and our nation. Sounds cliche and corny, but I've seen so many poor leaders who simply care about their own career progression. And I can attest to that great leaders are hard to come by. Anyhow, I had a blast though. I was of course the only female at the dinner last night, and the only Chinese American. It was definitely interesting, but nothing I have not experienced before. But COL Maskell made a comment that has been lingering in my head in the past 24 hours, he said to COL Grothe, "LT Xie has the kind of life that all the junior officers wish they had." Then it was followed up with shots of gaoliang by the TWs. Just something that has been lingering in my mind. Is my life that interesting? He also joked that he cant wait to read my memoir. lol. maybe I should write a memoir. LTC Warrington is writing one for his kids. maybe I'll consider it when I become a mom. But one thing is for sure, i want to continue this remarkable and amazing adventure of life.

Next random topic, Pandora.....

 Listening to pandora radio, my favorite radio station right now is Adele! She has an amazing voice, I wish I had her voice. what would I trade for her voice? I don't know... my body? my hair? my personality? my awesome apartment? maybe my apartment. :) but Im sure she can afford to buy the entire floor in my building.  boy oh boy, do I digress... but seriously, what did people used to do without these technological advances that make our lives so much easier and happier, i.e. Pandora, Mapquest, Google, Facebook. I wish Pandora was a man because it knows exactly what I want, I choose Adele as my radio station, and it pays Corine bae Bailey, Duffy, and Sara Bareilles for me. what an amazingly ingenious innovation. Someone needs to invent a man improver, so that he knows exactly what I want every second of the day.   :)  Anyone?